The ABC’s: Altitude, BodyTalk, Christmas

I have had a good, and interesting, couple of weeks. We’ll start with the B – BodyTalk.

B: If you’ve never heard of BodyTalk, check it out. It is an alternative medicine that strives to work in tandem with other treatments, which I like. It’s all about how our mind, body, and emotions are all connected. While things like this can be a little bit ‘out there’ for me, I always go in with an open mind. The session brought up a lot of emotions (A LOT of emotions!!!), and was quite interesting. We actually didn’t touch on my Meniere’s as much as I thought we might – in fact it barely came up at all. We did talk a bit about coping and acceptance techniques for when I am having a spell – while I am allowed to be frustrated when spells to happen, sometimes I just have to listen to my body and accept the fact that for the next [fill in the blank] hours I am going to be sick, dizzy, and exhausted I’ll be okay. Realizing that there is a difference between acceptance and ‘giving in’ is difficult. I always feel the need to fight my symptoms, even ignore them until I cannot possibly anymore – and maybe that isn’t always the best approach. Taking a deep breath and accepting what is happening to my body might help keep some of the anxiety and tension down that I feel when I am in the throes of a spell. Easier said than done!

A: Last week I was lucky enough to travel through the Rocky Mountains with my boyfriend and one of my best friends form back in Ontario. We had a wonderful week seeing friends and loved ones in Jasper, and then heading to Sun Peaks BC. As we were setting out from Sun Peaks towards home (about an 8 hour drive) I began to feel sick – ‘me’ sick. Off, unsteady, dizzy, and just generally crappy. I cannot help but think that the major change in altitude is to blame – the descent form Sun Peaks is quite major, and while it didn’t seem to affect me on the way UP, by the time we got to the bottom of the valley for the drive home I was just about keeled over in the back seat. I bought some Advil at the gas station we stopped at, thinking at least that might help me relax. I felt better for a little while, only for my symptoms to come roaring back a few kms down the road. This is one of those situations that was particularly frustrating, since we were at the outset of an 8 hour drive, and with me sick that only left my BF to drive the whole way – poor guy. After riding in the front seat for a little while, I started to feel a bit better, and was able to take over the wheel for a little while. By the time we got all the way home to Calgary, I was feeling just about back to normal. Altitude? I can’t help but think so.  Being away also meant that I was not working out or doing yoga regularly, which leaves me feeling crummier than usual – looking forward to getting back into routine.

C: I am excited about Christmas this year – as always! There have been years when family holidays have filled me with dread – what if I’m sick? What if I throw up the wonderfully cooked Christmas dinner? What if I can’t travel to see my relatives? And indeed there have been years where I have had to sleep through Easter dinner, or sit propped up in a chair enjoying nothing but Ginger Ale and Gravol on Boxing Day. I like to think that those years are mostly behind me though, and that having being symptom free much of the time now bodes well. Again, should I be sick on Christmas, or during my trip back to Ontario,  I will just have to breathe deep and accept that…. but I am thinking positive thoughts and as always, hoping for symptom free days!!

Results!

Well I have completed my 5 weeks of boot camp (including the make-up session!), and am feeling good. I’m not entirely where I would like to be, but in a short month I took of 6” from my overall measurements, and lost about 7 lbs – I am proud!! I wish that I could afford to been continuing on with Booty Camp, but alas I cannot right now. Hopefully in the new year I will be able to commit to and afford a full 8 week session.

I do feel stronger – certainly in the core, and legs as well. While I have not been eating perfectly, I am eating ‘more aware’, and that certainly makes a difference. I am drinking more water, and eating less ‘junk’. I am looking forward to continuing to use my at home DVD provided, and enjoying my yoga practice. Thanks for giving me the butt-kicking I needed, Booty Camp! It truly was a great environment to work out it – guided by a personable instructor, surrounded by supportive women working towards their goals, and challenging in an ongoing manner.

I am still tired – for me this is the hardest part. I can remember what it was like when I was younger and had much more energy, but I have always been a ‘tired’ person, especially since I started experiencing Meniere’s symptoms. Just the other day I felt so wiped out – I could have gently closed my eyes at my desk and nodded off. This despite the fact that I had gotten 9 hours of sleep the night before, was well fed and started by day with a cup of caffeinated tea. I am fairly certain that I do not have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, as I don’t seem to have many of the other symptoms, or if I do they are things that I attribute to MD (That being said, I did have mono when I was 19 and did not know until 6 months later. I just thought I was really tired. Am I a masochist?). I maintain that it is an effect of my MD that makes me so very tired at times, and I have yet to find anything that helps with this. I take vitamins, eat fairly well and follow all of the ‘rules’ for sleep, including going to bed around the same time every night, sleeping in a dark room etc etc.

For some reason this particular symptom, this agonizing fatigue, is at times more challenging to me than the dizziness, nausea, or tinnitus.  Perhaps that is because it really impairs my ability to feel ‘normal’, to feel like myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. There is no way that these feelings can be normal – I am quite sure that if everyone was walking around feeling this tired and this foggy all of the time, nothing would ever get accomplished in our world. This is not to say that I do not have drive, ambition and even, at times, energy, but that this heavy, weighty fatigue seems to overshadow that a great deal of the time. It can hinder my concentration, and really push the limits of my day. I greatly appreciate when I have good days when I am not particularity tired, or when I am able to push through the heavy eye lids and brain fog. I am working on accepting those days that I am just too tired to be myself – I have to tell myself that I am not failing, slacking or being lazy. I have a medical condition… but even when my brain will accept that, my heart just does not want to sometimes.

Zero Energy Increase

I had to miss my second-to-last boot camp session on Wednesday as I was sick. I wasn’t quite normal person sick, and not quite having a spell – somewhere in the middle! Major headache, loud tinnitus, a bit nauseous, and just generally crummy. I am recovering, but still not feeling great two days later. Sigh.

I was thinking while home feeling unwell, how despite my regular workouts and generally healthy eating, I haven’t been feeling any increase in energy. This is one thing that I long for, and it seems although despite getting lots of sleep, drinking lots of water, eating well and working out, my energy levels just do not increase. This may be due to my low blood pressure level, but when I do have it measured, it is never so far below normal as to cause concern. I have at various times lowered the dose of my diuretic in the hopes that it would affect my blood pressure less, leading to higher level of energy, but it did not make a difference in my energy levels.

The other factor that makes us Meniere’s folks tired it the extra effort required to keep us steady and focused all day. Spells knock us out, and personally I can (and have!) slept for up to 18 hours at a time when I have or am recovering from a spell. I have read that this is because our brains have to work so much harder to keep us going when we’re sick – even if it’s just getting up to stumble to the bathroom to throw-up, we have to work really hard just to make it there! It makes sense to me that this happens on a day-to-day basis as well – the seemingly small bit of effort that it takes to ignore the tinnitus, re-celebrate if I’m feeling dizzy, keep my eyes focused if I’m feeling dizzy (extra challenging when you already wear glasses with a -8.5 prescription!), fight the brain fog and basically act ‘normal’ even if I’m not feeling normal, is sure to add up over the course of a day. I’m tired just thinking about it!

I will continue my search for a good energy solution. I am going for a ‘BodyTalk’ session in the next couple of weeks, and while I approach most alternative medicine with what I believe to be a healthy dose of skepticism, I look forward to new possibilities for treatment and management of my condition, as well as anything that can help make my life better, even in a small way. For today, that will be a glass of wine after work, and maybe some pizza for dinner! Aka – being thankful for the small things!

Strange Days

Today is a strange day. My boyfriend and I packed up our apartment, and he headed down the road to our new destination – we are moving from Jasper to Calgary (hm, seems I will have to change the title of my blog... Meniere's Disease in the Mountains won't work anymore! Back to my old title I suppose : ) ). I will be staying up here in Jasper for a few more weeks, staying with a friend. I don’t yet have a job lined up in the city, so it didn’t make much sense for me to leave quite so early. I will join Cole in the city in mid-November.

I am both excited and nervous about this move… nervous because I don’t have a job (yet!), and because this is the biggest thing that I have ever done with someone else. I have moved across the country, and done plenty of challenging and interesting things, but they have always just been about me. To think that I am doing this with Cole is both thrilling and scary – but also wonderful and exciting! SO many mixed emotions. I will miss this wonderful mountain town so much, and will miss the wonderful people that I am close with here even more. The city brings lots of new and fun things, which Cole and I are both really looking forward to! It will be refreshing after having been in a small town for so long.

I am happy that I will be closer to a specialist – and was referred to a new doctor in Calgary by my dizzy specialist back home. I do not have an appointment yet, but hopefully it doesn’t take to long to get in, and I will be able to have some tests done soon (I keep forgetting to call the office during work hours. I tend to avoid things that I don’t want to deal with, and while these tests will lead to new treatments and healing hopefully, I know they won’t be fun to go through, so I think I am avoiding a little!).

I had a really bad spell last week, and dealt with my ears being really ‘off’ for several days. Wednesday night it got worse and worse, until I was in full blown ‘attack mode’. I tried a sleeping pill for the first time – something just prescribed by my GP here in Jasper. Its effectiveness was rather limited, as I threw up very soon after taking it. I am not entirely sure if it was the pill that made me throw up, or of it was just time – the pill DID seem to expedite the gut expulsion process! Throwing it up was also quite terrible – if you have ever thrown up medicine and had that terrible metallic/medical taste in your mouth, you know what I mean!

I am doing my best to keep my stress level down, but with this move, and hunting for a new job, it’s not easy! Hoping that I can find work, and that we can get settled in a new place quickly. With lots to do and think about I really can’t afford to be sick right now, but I know that both negative and positive stress can make me more susceptible to a spell, so I will keep my fingers crossed and keep doing everything that I can to avoid it!!

Right on Schedule

I'm still on my usual schedule of on spell a week, as I had one on Monday - luckily it wasn't too bad though, and I was able to go to work on Tuesday (fairly unusual for the day after a spell!!). I am going to up my dose of serc, and am hoping that helps, as I am out of options now until I get to see my specialist on August! I live 4 hours away from the nearest large city where someone might be able to help whit with Menieres (not on in town knows much about it!), which can be very frustrating. I will be on the others side of the country when I see my specialist in August, which is not very handy for follow-up!! I am hoping that he can refer me to someone out here. I wouldn't trade where I live for anything, but it's not terribly helpful being so far away when I need medical help/advice!

I have been having a good week since Monday, and got to my lunch time yoga session today - I missed a few between being sick, and having meetings at work, so it felt good to get back into it!! It has been raining a lot here in the Rocky Mountains, and some sunshine would be a nice treat... hopefully soon we'll actually get real summer weather soon!!

That's all for today... Happiness and health to all!

UHG Day

Yesterday was a write-off for me - I slept in, but woke up feeling 'off', and though I just rested (and watched Heroes!) all day, I just felt worse and worse until I was fully sick and making trips to the bathroom by 6 pm. Very frustrating, as I was hoping to enjoy a day off with my BF, but alas I was on the couch all day, feeling terrible (I did get to spend the day with Cole watching Heroes though; he is wonderful to me, when I am well or sick!). It was a funny day, because I wasn't dizzy per say, but my head just felt very heavy, and my stomach was bloated and off as usual. Do any of you out there with MD get days like that, too? I took my serc and trizide when I woke up in the morning, but they didn't seem to help, obviously. Funny how last week I had a SUPER dizzy spell that didn't last too long, and then this week had one where I wasn't very dizzy, but it lasted for 12+ hour. I'm not sure which is worse!!

I'm looking forward to enjoying the rest of my week - have a few things planned, including a date night with Cole - so fingers crossed for a healthy rest of the week!

Nagging Thoughts

Well, I got away with almost 2 weeks spell free… but alas not. I woke up in the middle of the night on Sunday, and didn’t even realize anything was wrong at first… I stood up to go to the washroom, and almost fell flat on my face! I haven’t been that spinny in quite a while, so it was a little unnerving. My discomfort increased, and the steadiness of my stomach decreased… I was awake for about 2 hours or so, very, VERY uncomfortable and back and forth to the washroom the whole time – actually considered just bringing my pillow to the washroom, seemed like less work to just stay there (wouldn’t have been the first timeJ ) ! Luckily I have Mondays off, so I slept and slept until about 2 pm on Monday, and felt okay upon awakening. Yay! It was the most ‘violent’ spell I’ve had in quite a while, but at least it didn’t last long.

I am greatly anticipating a trip that I am taking home to Ontario in August – only 74 days away! I will be home for a good friend’s wedding, and will be bringing my wonderful boyfriend with me to meet the family (and friends!) there for the first time. I have lots of great plans made… but that little voice in the back of my head keep popping up when I get to excited, and brings up those nagging thoughts... ‘Hm, what if you get sick? What if you get sick the day of the wedding? Or if you can’t go for dinner to that favourite restaurant? What if you’re spinning and can’t drive to the airport to pick Cole up?’ I hate these thoughts, because as much as I know to ignore them and not focus on the negative… easier said then done. It COULD happen! It is these same thoughts that come up when I think about how fabulous it would be to take a year off life and go explore the world, or pursue my ultimate dream of travel writing…   

I know that there are much worse things that many people face that make it challenging to do things and follow dreams that they may have… I am lucky to only have to deal with this, as frustrating as it is. When it come to specifics, like the Ontario trip, I just have to keep reminding myself that no matter what it’s going to be a great little trip, and if I get sick, well I’ll get sick and deal with it when it comes. Ultimately I hope that I’ll be feeling at least a little steadier by then, but who knows. Stay tuned!