Results!

Well I have completed my 5 weeks of boot camp (including the make-up session!), and am feeling good. I’m not entirely where I would like to be, but in a short month I took of 6” from my overall measurements, and lost about 7 lbs – I am proud!! I wish that I could afford to been continuing on with Booty Camp, but alas I cannot right now. Hopefully in the new year I will be able to commit to and afford a full 8 week session.

I do feel stronger – certainly in the core, and legs as well. While I have not been eating perfectly, I am eating ‘more aware’, and that certainly makes a difference. I am drinking more water, and eating less ‘junk’. I am looking forward to continuing to use my at home DVD provided, and enjoying my yoga practice. Thanks for giving me the butt-kicking I needed, Booty Camp! It truly was a great environment to work out it – guided by a personable instructor, surrounded by supportive women working towards their goals, and challenging in an ongoing manner.

I am still tired – for me this is the hardest part. I can remember what it was like when I was younger and had much more energy, but I have always been a ‘tired’ person, especially since I started experiencing Meniere’s symptoms. Just the other day I felt so wiped out – I could have gently closed my eyes at my desk and nodded off. This despite the fact that I had gotten 9 hours of sleep the night before, was well fed and started by day with a cup of caffeinated tea. I am fairly certain that I do not have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, as I don’t seem to have many of the other symptoms, or if I do they are things that I attribute to MD (That being said, I did have mono when I was 19 and did not know until 6 months later. I just thought I was really tired. Am I a masochist?). I maintain that it is an effect of my MD that makes me so very tired at times, and I have yet to find anything that helps with this. I take vitamins, eat fairly well and follow all of the ‘rules’ for sleep, including going to bed around the same time every night, sleeping in a dark room etc etc.

For some reason this particular symptom, this agonizing fatigue, is at times more challenging to me than the dizziness, nausea, or tinnitus.  Perhaps that is because it really impairs my ability to feel ‘normal’, to feel like myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. There is no way that these feelings can be normal – I am quite sure that if everyone was walking around feeling this tired and this foggy all of the time, nothing would ever get accomplished in our world. This is not to say that I do not have drive, ambition and even, at times, energy, but that this heavy, weighty fatigue seems to overshadow that a great deal of the time. It can hinder my concentration, and really push the limits of my day. I greatly appreciate when I have good days when I am not particularity tired, or when I am able to push through the heavy eye lids and brain fog. I am working on accepting those days that I am just too tired to be myself – I have to tell myself that I am not failing, slacking or being lazy. I have a medical condition… but even when my brain will accept that, my heart just does not want to sometimes.

Zero Energy Increase

I had to miss my second-to-last boot camp session on Wednesday as I was sick. I wasn’t quite normal person sick, and not quite having a spell – somewhere in the middle! Major headache, loud tinnitus, a bit nauseous, and just generally crummy. I am recovering, but still not feeling great two days later. Sigh.

I was thinking while home feeling unwell, how despite my regular workouts and generally healthy eating, I haven’t been feeling any increase in energy. This is one thing that I long for, and it seems although despite getting lots of sleep, drinking lots of water, eating well and working out, my energy levels just do not increase. This may be due to my low blood pressure level, but when I do have it measured, it is never so far below normal as to cause concern. I have at various times lowered the dose of my diuretic in the hopes that it would affect my blood pressure less, leading to higher level of energy, but it did not make a difference in my energy levels.

The other factor that makes us Meniere’s folks tired it the extra effort required to keep us steady and focused all day. Spells knock us out, and personally I can (and have!) slept for up to 18 hours at a time when I have or am recovering from a spell. I have read that this is because our brains have to work so much harder to keep us going when we’re sick – even if it’s just getting up to stumble to the bathroom to throw-up, we have to work really hard just to make it there! It makes sense to me that this happens on a day-to-day basis as well – the seemingly small bit of effort that it takes to ignore the tinnitus, re-celebrate if I’m feeling dizzy, keep my eyes focused if I’m feeling dizzy (extra challenging when you already wear glasses with a -8.5 prescription!), fight the brain fog and basically act ‘normal’ even if I’m not feeling normal, is sure to add up over the course of a day. I’m tired just thinking about it!

I will continue my search for a good energy solution. I am going for a ‘BodyTalk’ session in the next couple of weeks, and while I approach most alternative medicine with what I believe to be a healthy dose of skepticism, I look forward to new possibilities for treatment and management of my condition, as well as anything that can help make my life better, even in a small way. For today, that will be a glass of wine after work, and maybe some pizza for dinner! Aka – being thankful for the small things!

Still Sloshing

After a couple more sessions of boot camp, I am still enjoying it. Starting to feel stronger, and enjoying it. I know that results will take some time, but damn I wish they could be more immediate! I think I may have lost a couple of pounds so far, but my butt still looks the same, and my clothes still fit the same… but I am sure the results are coming. I’ve done a couple of the at home work-outs as well, which are great. However, the last one I tried was jump-rope oriented.  Not so great for someone trying to avoid lots of jumping!! Since I was at home, and hence safe if I started to feel really ‘off’, I tried the 'Bounce 'n Burn' and I pushed through the whole workout (okay, it's only 20 minutes. But it's intense!). I’m proud of myself, and I made it through the workout and did my best to focus on the training, not the sloshing. I’ve been noticing more tinnitus lately, but I can’t say for sure if it’s the jumping, or the weather changing (it is fall!), or something else entirely.

During the 'in person' workouts, it seems that the higher my heart rate goes, the more ‘sloshing’ there is in my ears when I jump.  I am able to change the jumping exercises so that I am still working, but not jumping. My removing the jumping I am not doing something quite as high impact, which from a fitness perspective leaves me feeling frustrated, but better a little frustrated than dizzy I suppose.

There isn’t a whole lot of info out there regarding exercise and Meniere’s. Personally, I generally think that being physically active is a good thing (duh?). Growing up as a competitive swimmer, this is simply what I know. I have been active all of my life, and until a couple of years ago, very fit. When my Meniere’s symptoms first started, I was still swimming; sometimes I could not help but think that all of those flip turns finally caught up with me! It does not seem to make much of a difference to my symptoms no matter where my fitness level is at, which I find interesting. Exercise does help to decrease and manage stress, which can leads to less MD symptoms. That’s about the only connection I have been able to make so far – besides the jumping and sloshing connection, of course. Stay tuned – I am looking forward to when the ‘increased energy’ results of my fitness regime kick in – hoping that that can overpower the ‘sleepies’ that I get related to MD!

Booty Camp

Apparently I don’t have much to say about Meniere’s Disease lately – which is a good thing! I have been feeling good, for the most part. I’ve had a few off days here and there, but those are expected, especially as the weather changes.

I have decided to fill some of this space with my journey back to fitness- since it does come with unique MD related anecdotes! Last week I started boot camp with a great (Canadian!) company called ‘Booty Camp Fitness’. This all female boot camp style training claims to help participants drop fat and inches during the 4 or 8 week program. I am basically just looking for someone or something to kick me back into shape, and help me to incorporate fitness into my daily life again.

The first week was hard – walking was tough for the next couple of days! I did manage an at home work-out over the weekend, as well, which felt good. It is nice to feel my muscles sore – I know I’ve been using them! The next class is tonight, so wish me luck.

I notice that doing interval style training can throw me off a little bit; the whole purpose of this style is to spike participant’s heart rate for short bursts. For someone that has particularity low blood pressure (thanks to my diuretic), this kind of spike can be uncomfortable, and cause head rushes and a general off balance feeling.  I try to keep upright and moving as much as I can – laying/sitting down and standing up again quickly can compound these feelings. There is also quite a bit of jumping incorporated into the moves, which I find makes my head ‘slosh’ around a bit. I will have to find the line between working hard enough to help achieve the goals that I want, while not pushing myself so hard I feel unwell. The instructor knows about my condition, and I have taken all of the precautions that I can – I cannot let my MD keep me from fitness any longer!

The folks at Booty Camp give out a work-out DVD as well as a booklet to help track goals and monitor progress. I find this really helpful – I came up with a list of 25 wants/goals and some specific number based goals, as well. Currently I am signed up just for the 4 week program, but am already thinking that I will extend it to the full 8 week program – I deserve it.

I am already looking forward to not be able to walk tomorrow – yay for sore muscles!

UEP - Challenge #2

A post for the second challenge of the Urban Exposure Project with United Way Calgary. Learn more here.

Challenge #2 – On Family  

This first picture is of a rose that I brought back from Ontario with me after my grandmother’s funeral a couple of years ago. My grandma was a gardener, and for her eulogy I wrote a poem about how a garden is reflective of our journeys in life, including those we share with our family. I am not biologically related to this side of my family (more on that below) but she was the only grandma I will ever know, and I will always cherish my memories of her. Obviously I played with this picture in Photoshop, and now cannot find the original – oops!

This second photo is of my ‘brother’ James and his son – we were rafting the Athabasca River last summer. Like my dad, James has cystic fibrosis. Also like my dad, James and his wife chose to have children using an anonymous sperm donor. I did not find out that my dad is not biologically my father until I was 22 – this totally shook up my world, and was a very difficult thing to come to terms with for a huge variety of reasons. Just a few months after I found out this information about my own family, I met James and his. The first time we sat down and had a conversation I was bawling my eyes out – the pain was so new still that I had a difficult time even thinking about it, let alone discussing it. My relationship with James and his family has evolved, and we have become and continue to be valuable resources and friends – well, more like family. The bonds of blood may be strong, but sometimes I think that the bonds of this shared experience and circumstance can be even stronger.  

My final picture is of sushi – weird, right? Well, up in Jasper there is a tiny sushi restaurant run by an amazing sushi chef, Mr. Oka. To make a long story short, this place has transitioned form being a restaurant, to a ‘happy place’ to a family for me. We have a close knit group that we all refer to as our ‘sushi family’ – these are people that I know I can always count on, who will be there for me through anything, and who I will always have a place with. The 7 of us are planning a trip to Japan together next year, when we will visit Oka-San’s hometown and meet his extended family. I don’t know that I have ever been so excited for a trip!

This is fairly long – I guess I like words as much as photos most of the time! To sum up in one quick phrase: family is what you make it.

Strange Days

Today is a strange day. My boyfriend and I packed up our apartment, and he headed down the road to our new destination – we are moving from Jasper to Calgary (hm, seems I will have to change the title of my blog... Meniere's Disease in the Mountains won't work anymore! Back to my old title I suppose : ) ). I will be staying up here in Jasper for a few more weeks, staying with a friend. I don’t yet have a job lined up in the city, so it didn’t make much sense for me to leave quite so early. I will join Cole in the city in mid-November.

I am both excited and nervous about this move… nervous because I don’t have a job (yet!), and because this is the biggest thing that I have ever done with someone else. I have moved across the country, and done plenty of challenging and interesting things, but they have always just been about me. To think that I am doing this with Cole is both thrilling and scary – but also wonderful and exciting! SO many mixed emotions. I will miss this wonderful mountain town so much, and will miss the wonderful people that I am close with here even more. The city brings lots of new and fun things, which Cole and I are both really looking forward to! It will be refreshing after having been in a small town for so long.

I am happy that I will be closer to a specialist – and was referred to a new doctor in Calgary by my dizzy specialist back home. I do not have an appointment yet, but hopefully it doesn’t take to long to get in, and I will be able to have some tests done soon (I keep forgetting to call the office during work hours. I tend to avoid things that I don’t want to deal with, and while these tests will lead to new treatments and healing hopefully, I know they won’t be fun to go through, so I think I am avoiding a little!).

I had a really bad spell last week, and dealt with my ears being really ‘off’ for several days. Wednesday night it got worse and worse, until I was in full blown ‘attack mode’. I tried a sleeping pill for the first time – something just prescribed by my GP here in Jasper. Its effectiveness was rather limited, as I threw up very soon after taking it. I am not entirely sure if it was the pill that made me throw up, or of it was just time – the pill DID seem to expedite the gut expulsion process! Throwing it up was also quite terrible – if you have ever thrown up medicine and had that terrible metallic/medical taste in your mouth, you know what I mean!

I am doing my best to keep my stress level down, but with this move, and hunting for a new job, it’s not easy! Hoping that I can find work, and that we can get settled in a new place quickly. With lots to do and think about I really can’t afford to be sick right now, but I know that both negative and positive stress can make me more susceptible to a spell, so I will keep my fingers crossed and keep doing everything that I can to avoid it!!

Let's Catch Up....

Once again, I am a bad blogger! It has been a while since I updated…. I have been trying NOT to think about it!

I finally got to see my specialist, Dr. John Rutka at the beginning of the month while I was back home for my long awaited trip and  very good friend’s wedding! The trip was great, and for the most part I felt pretty good while I was there. I had to excuse myself form a couple of events early, and was sick in the middle of the might one night, but happily I managed to avoid any major spells… yay! I am always a little bit unsure when it comes to travel, as between the change in both routine and altitude, as well as the fact that I am likely more tired than usual, I know I am more likely to have a spell (I find too that both negative stress and positive stress seem to leave me more susceptible to a spell – my body doesn’t know the difference!). I try to keep care of myself as best as possible while travelling, and I think that helped me.

As for the specialist appointment… I made a small amount of forward progress. I reported my symptoms, including increased hearing loss, tinnitus, and ongoing spells. Dr. Rutka outlined the three options that I have, which I was essentially already aware of (gent. injections, steroid injections or a small device with a handheld component that helps with aural pressure). He could not suggest which might be best, as I need more, and updated, testing. He is to refer me to a dr. much closer to where I now live who can do the testing for me, which I am actually looking forward to. I have yet to hear back from this referral, but am planning to follow-up if I don’t get a call back next week. I know these folks are busy, but it has been nearly a month!!

While I didn’t get any real answers or solutions, it is nice to be on what seems like the right track. I have read some review on the doctor that I have been referred to, and they range for horrible to absolutely glowing. I like to make up my own mind about people, but I certainly found this interesting!

I did forget to ask Dr. Rutka about prescribing me a medication to help me sleep/stay asleep when I am having a spell. Gravol used to work wonders, but I think that I am getting somewhat immune to it, taking it so often. I know that a lot of patients in the US are prescribed Vallium, which scares me a bit! I’m not opposed to it, but wondering about other options too. Let me know if you have any input!!

I had a spell yesterday, and had to miss work, as well as an interview with the local newspaper for a writing position. I was very disappointed to miss this interview, as I had been really looking forward to the opportunity. Unfortunately, I do not have another change to interview right now, but maybe in the next few months. I can’t help but feel like my Meniere’s kept me from this opportunity, which makes me feel very frustrated. At the same time, I suppose everything happens for a reason, and maybe this just wasn’t meant to be. Trying to stay positive, even though I am having a bad day today... I just feel like things have been boiling up lately - feeling frustrated with work, some relationship 'stuff', and of course always battling Meniere's. Today I just felt frustrated, especially when a few things at work made me really frustrated... kind of reached a boiling point. I am feeling a little bit better now, and hoping to go and enjoy some nice warm weather and sunshine soon : )